So, I’ve been in a pretty blue funk. This is how I saw it: work keeps getting worse, day after day. Since my job was eliminated in March, I’m about as effective as a one-armed paper hanger. My thousands of interviews are going nowhere. I have no way out. All the friends I once had here have either moved on, or have stopped being friendly, leaving me with a very lean support system.
Every day it’s been this litany, over and over, like a tape on repeat. Coming in to work was hard, even painful. Even my workspace was unfriendly. I half moved out of my cube sometime around the holidays, in hopes I’d be gone by the Roe v. Wade anniversary, and have not wholly been here since – literally and figuratively. It was dusty and everywhere I turned were reminders of the former job.
I am excellent at forcing sufferings upon myself.
And then, it just happened. I took myself by the shoulders, and shook myself until my little head began to joggle dangerously. Yes, work is bad. Yes it is. Now, are you going to let it kill you, or what? Get a grip, girl. Take responsibility for yourself!
So then, I undertook an overhaul of my attitudes, my cube, and my goals. I started – finally! – taking down all the stuff on my cube walls pertaining to my old job, threw away scads of irrelevant crap, gave another load of pertinent stuff to a team member who could use it, and made the place cute again. I brought in posters of The Monkees and Tori Amos and Yevgeny Yevtushenko and Elvis Costello and filled the empty spaces. I cleaned out my files and the bins on my desk top, sorted and shredded and cleaned and stacked. I opened the blinds in my rattly window and noticed that the Fountain was back on.
I reclaimed my space at the office, starting digging into my pointless busy work with something like enthusiasm, and took responsibility for my own happiness.
Then, guess what?
I got The Call. Only, I didn’t know it was The Call, not at first. See, I wanted this job badly – a few months ago. I had applied to be a dog walker with TailChasers in November or December, but after the first few tingly weeks of anticipation and no calls, I shelved the idea. Instead I focused on jobs that were simply better than I have now. Which isn’t saying a whole lot.
So, when the owner called last Tuesday, I sort of dismissed the idea out of hand, thinking about money and cars all that. For the last three months, I’ve been planning on another office job, perhaps within biking distance or on the public transportation lines – not a job where I need a car and good gym shoes. But something told me to be cautious on the phone, to ask a lot of questions and keep an open mind. She offered me a job that night, and I told her I’d get back to her later in the week.
I couldn’t sleep. I ran over figures and rates and concerns and all of the reasons why I shouldn’t do it all night long. I developed a colossal migraine/stomach ache combo and finally fell asleep at 4:45am. I woke up with the alarm at 6:30 and called in sick to TempBoss (assigned to me when my job was out-sourced). I tried to sleep, and caught another hour or so, but eventually got up and paced. At a respectable hour, I called TailChasers and asked another pile of questions. I had all but decided, but needed to talk it over with D. Just at that moment, he called.
D: “Wanna go to Mitsuwa for lunch?”
Me: “S-s-ure! Where are you?”
D: “About five minutes from home.”
We’ve got the psychic marriage connection. He picked me up, we went to lunch, and declared the decision a no-brainer. I called the boss at TailChasers that evening and left a message, telling her I had good news. I went to class where one of the gals told me I looked “really rested.” I smiled and told her this was the best day I’d had since Christmas.
I drafted my resignation letter the next evening, and gave it to TempBoss Friday morning. My last day is June 3. I get my dogs on June 13.
Yes, I am abso-fucking-lutely thrilled. But I’m also a little humbled at how powerful the inner-self is. Once I pulled out of my funk and admitted I had to the power to change things, they all started to fall in place. Is it the divine, as proscribed by Sunday mass and CCD? I think what I believe is that I tapped the power of the divine inside myself – whether that power came from somewhere else or from me, I think I’ll leave for another day.
I’ve got a new job! Walking DOGS!