day in the life

Surging Forward

It all happened so fast.

The pain came back. These days, it’s like I never had the cortisone shot at all.

So, D took me to see the new surgeon on Tuesday morning. NewSurgeon & I talk briefly; he looked at my wrist and thumb, and wrote an order for surgery faster than you can say “second opinion”.

It’s scheduled for Friday, October 22nd. Super duper soon. Sooner than I had really imagined. Sort of panicky-soon.

But maybe I had an inkling of what was to come because I’ve been pulling my shit together at work for the last two weeks; filing, completing expense reports, finalizing jobs with vendors. My cube is clean and in order. My work is up to date and complete. I can go.

I am relieved. I am hopeful. I’m more than a little nervous. Surgery – major or minor – involves invading the body and changing it, forever. I will have a scar on my wrist, and a released and enlarged tendon sheath at the base of my thumb. My little hand won’t be same as ever before. Better? Yes, better than it is now.

But, I can’t help but bitterly grouse that if I hadn’t been forced to work alone back in July, hand-addressing thousands of envelopes, I wouldn’t have to do this. Dr. K would not be slicing my wrist open to release my persistently swollen tendons. So, I’m not thrilled to have to do this. I am over the moon at the prospect of living pain-free – of grasping cups and writing my name and playing my bass again. But not so happy it’s come to this.

I guess I got what I wanted, but I never really wanted it, you know?

***

I apologize if you’ve emailed me lately and I haven’t gotten back you. This has all overwhelmed me, and once I decided to take control, it has consumed me. I’ve been busy washing pjs and softpants&#8482, and every sock I own; I’ve been combing through my libraries and amazon and my own collections for new books and old favorites to read when I can’t leave the house; D’s been helping me shop for ginger ale and applesauce and storage bins and new underwear. In short, I’ve been preparing for convalescence.

I’ll be away from the keyboard from this Thursday well into November. I’ll miss it. But then, I already do. Let’s hope I get it back for good.

4 Comments

  1. B-chan

    Your dedication & spirit is an inspiration to those of us lucky enough to know you. I have no doubt that for this particular trial, your reward will be everything you expect.

  2. I saw on your most recent entry that this surgery hasn’t happened yet. Sorry.. 🙁

    Also – It just ocurred to me that I can add your blog to my blog. I don’t use it quite the way that you use yours, but it might be SOMETHING to remind me. Because I always like to remember you, gorgeous!

    Bev

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