Friday finds me staring out my window, as usual. Only today, it is my intention to do very little. Well, I�ll do enough to look productive and keep my program running, but I am very serious about giving my mind a rest today. Very.
You see, my brain is tired. I think too much. I’m in this constant battle of me vs. you, me against the world, just waiting for that first strike – that opening shot which will prove just how vulnerable I am. I guess I think that if I keep up enough defenses, and beat myself up just enough, no one else will have the chance. And, wooo is it exhausting.
Today, on this cloudy Friday, I’m having a fuck of a time trying to keep it together. The armored façade is slipping, and I’m beginning to wonder why I live with so much internal fighting. Maybe I should try something new? Perhaps try a little tenderness, as Otis so wisely suggests.
Yes. Today I will be good to myself. Therefore, I refuse to consider the following:
whether my boss likes me.
if sending my Father�s Day package off a little late to my Dadd-o makes me a �bad child.�
how many pretty girls will be at Lisa�s birthday Saturday, and how much prettier then me they will be.
how much weight I gained on vacation.
whether my shoes are too funky.
whether my shoes are funky enough.
how many people out there might not like my hair.
if maybe I should get it cut in case those people are right, and it looks worse than I think it does.
why I care about �those people.�
how Laura gets her eye make-up to look like that.
if maybe I should try to do mine like hers.
if I�m too mature to wear the frosted eye shadow in my bag.
how old is this eye shadow anyway?
I will, instead, ponder these important topics:
shall I get more cocoa ?
my cleavage not only looks nice, today it smells yummy.
I like trees.
kitties are soft.
I won�t quite meet goal for my program this year, but I�ve surely worked hard this Spring and I�m proud of my efforts.
definitely more cocoa.
would be great to have sex tonight. bring this up w/the man.
�Saturday In The Park� [Chicago, 1972] is one of the best feel-good songs ever recorded.
Gary Sinese has such a trim little…
There. Much better.